The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity



un café décaféiné et pas trop chaud……


retro-coffee-funny12I woke this morning normally:

  1. Checked i was still alive
  2. Looked in mirror for any abnormalities
  3. Had a good shower (approx 15mins scrub time)
  4. Checked sky news for any major events
  5. Made a cup of  hot tea……………..

Whilst enjoying my cup of hot tea in front of the news and perusing the morning tabloids i read the headline: “Piping Hot Tea Can Give You Cancer”……….

After dropping my tea and giving myself  Third degree burns i composed myself..reading further i discover…..

“Researchers found drinking tea with a temperature above 70C increased the risk of oesophageal cancer eight-fold. But if you let your cuppa cool for five minutes it should be safe to drink, experts have said”

So following this devastating news and one more blow to my sanity…i find myself  surfing the Internet for any reported fatalities of tea drinking, i also booked  in for another GP appointment to have my mouth and throat inspected, and i have decided to invest in a thermometer (digital).

 I have now switched to coffee on a permenent basis……decaf coffee…..definatly decaf coffee….decaf coffee due to palpitations and twitching…..

If you still fancy and nice cup of hot tea visit: Tea Drinkers BEWARE

“un café décaféiné et pas trop chaud……….one decaf coffee not too hot….”

Funny legs and Wikipedia….

My Body: with some exceptions..
My Body: with some exceptions..








I have spent the last few days trying no to touch the small infected creature i live with who currently has chicken pox…however i find myself with a preoccupation this morning with the possibility that i have “restless leg syndrome”.





The last few days in bed i have been unable to control my legs moving,i try to relax them but they dont and keep moving,they feel like jelly legs,legs that have decided to play tricks on me, i cannot keep them still….

I manage to make my legs lock up to move to obtain the laptop and the search begins…

 “Restless legs syndrome(RLS, Wittmaack-Ekbom’s syndrome, or sometimes, but inaccurately, referred to as Nocturnal myoclonus) is a condition that is characterized by an irresistible urge to move one’s body to stop uncomfortable or odd sensations. It most commonly affects the legs, but can also affect the arms or torso. Moving the affected body part modulates the sensations, providing temporary relief. RLS causes a sensation in the legs or arms that can most closely be compared to a burning, itching, or tickling sensation in the muscles.”

Having read this :

i don’t feel so bad, its only RLS, however it wasn’t until i scrolled down the a typical hypo…that i find the Possible causes and risks…..

here is where the room went in circles and i began a full blown panic attack…..

“The most commonly associated medical condition is iron deficiency (specifically blood ferritin below 50µg/L[7]), which accounts for just over 20% of all cases of RLS. Other conditions associated with RLS include pregnancy, varicose vein or venous reflux, folate deficiency, sleep apnea, uremia, diabetes, thyroid disease, peripheral neuropathy, Parkinson’s disease and certain auto-immune disorders such as Sjögren’s syndrome, celiac disease, and rheumatoid arthritis.”

After the following actions:

  1. Ten Cigarettes in succession
  2. Four coffees(decafinated,due to palps)
  3. Quick call to NHS Direct (speed dial)
  4. Appointment with GP (emergency)
  5. 2 Bottle of rescue remedy (emergency)
  6. two hours of rocking on floor

I managed to avert any further incidents.

However, i am now convinced that my restless leg syndrome is secondary to some underlying disease in which i have yet to be diagnosed……dam you Wikipedia………………

Twitcher……..not Twitter


Twitchy Kebabs….

Bad News: My left eye has been incessantly and wildly twitching!

I looked up “eye twitch” online, and I’m apparently suffering from Epilepsy and mild seizures – (good old WebMD). But, I’m trying to be rational, so, I’m dismissing that suggestion and attributing it to something more realistic. I’ve determined that the twitch is being caused by a reckless weekend, that involved too much:

  •  alcohol (10-15 pints of strongbow)
  • Four kebabs (with extra chilli and Garlic)
  • 40 cigarettes (mentol,girly ones)

which resulted in severe damage to the nerve pathways in my brain that control this damn eye!

This is not good, I’ll keep you posted…











For Emergency Use Only

 It has just come to my attention, through randomly imagining myself choking to death, that neither I, or more importantly Marc, know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

Sure, it seems simple enough, I’ve watched it done in a million movies; but in the event that it’s my life on the line, I’d like to make sure I’m getting the actual Heimlich Maneuver and not the movie version.

Hence, the link to The Heimlich Institute for proper instructions and easy access during an unexpected choking fiasco.


*Please note that the Heimlich Maneuver is a registered trademark of The Heimlich Institute, which you must contact for permission of use, prior to performing said technique


ebolaI was woken this morning to find my child with an Outbreak of chicken pox.First i had to find out what the Bio-safety level was it an Ebola outbreak i was dealing with, after ruling out a level 3+4 event…….



i approached this small infected spotted creature,several thoughts entered my mind,these were:

  1. Have i had chicken pox?
  2. Can i get it again?
  3. What if adults get it??
  4. What about shingles?

These thoughts rapidly replaced any sympathy thoughts i had as a mother with a sick child…mummy i need a cuddle…aaaaaahhhhh……what do i do?

  1. Shall i go near this child and show my love?
  2. shall i first get gloves and possibly a mask?
  3. risk kissing this infected spotted creature and die of shingles and related complications?

Following a consultation at  and   i found out the following:

Chickenpox is a highly infectious disease that spreads from person to person by direct contact or by air from an infected person’s coughing or sneezing. Touching the fluid from a chickenpox blister can also spread the disease. A person with chickenpox is infectious from one to five days before the rash appears.

Infection in otherwise healthy adults tends to be more severe and active; treatment with antiviral drugs (e.g. aciclovir) is generally advised, as long as it is started within 24-48 hours from rash onset.Patients of any age with “depressed immune systems” or extensive eczema are at risk of more severe disease and should also be treated with antiviral medication.

In England and Wales, 75% of deaths due to chickenpox are in adults. Inflammation of the brain, or encephalitis, can occur in immunocompromised individuals…………..

Having freaked out to the point where i decided i am immunocompromised, i refused to cuddle or kiss this infection riddled carrier  i decided to take the following precautions:

  1. Contain the creature in its own habitat (lock door)
  2. wear fully protective clothing when in same area(facial mask)
  3. de-contaminate after every encounter (bleach)
  4. Resist the creature cry’s for help and save yourself (ear muffs)

Following this i may have prevented the following Outbreaks:

  • encephalitis
  • varicella pneumonia
  • cellulitis
  • shingles
  • Ebola
  • Lassa fever
  • The Plague
"beware out there.."
"beware out there.."

Sleep Coma Vs Survival Mode

I never really noticed it before, but my house is almost directly under the flight path for incoming and outgoing planes of the nearby Cardiff international airport. I’ve lived under this flight path for two years and the planes have never bothered me, I never really noticed them; until a couple a weeks ago.

Every morning, at about 6:00 a.m.—thirty minutes before my scheduled 6:30 a.m. wake up—I’m jolted from my state of comatose by what feels like a thirty ton meteor crashing into my house.
Everyday, as sure as shit, I find myself vaulting out of bed in sheer survival mode, as the sound barrier is broken above my house. Some days I know that earth-shattering sound for what it is: a plane crashing into my bedroom. Other mornings it’s a bomb, alien invasion or terrorists.
And, so my morning started today: in a state of pure panic, and that panic has somehow followed me into this evening. Mid-afternoon I developed a severe case of pneumonia and I hold that damn plane responsible.
For help in any major disasters please visit:












Chance’s of Survival…..

how20i20feel202I’ve always heard that you’re more likely to die from getting struck by lightning, than you are from a plane crash. Well, that’s not what the National Safety Council says! According to the NSC, the lifetime odds look more like this:
Lightning — 1 in 79,746
Air/space transport accidents — 1 in 5,051 And, who knew that you’re just as likely to die as a passenger in a car crash, as you are from falling down, or shooting yourself on purpose:

Car occupant — 1 in 237
Falling — 1 in 218
Shooting yourself on purpose — 1 in 222
Oh, these are my favorites:

Accidental suffocation/strangulation in bed — 1 in 7,541
Contact with hot tap water — 1 in 144,156
Bitten/stung by non-venomous insect/arthropods — 1 in 312,339
Drowning/submersion while in or falling into bathtub — 1 in 11,289
Bitten or crushed by reptile — N/A
The odds by accidental suffocation/strangulation in bed are pretty high! Which makes me very suspicious, and paranoid. I guess there’s more wisdom in the old saying “don’t go to bed angry,” than I previously thought. And I’m still trying to figure out how you die from contact with hot tap water.

On the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about getting crushed by reptiles

Cider,Kebabs and Royal Mail……

Following a heavy night drinking cider and one large chicken shish kebab i have woken to find myself alive with a huge hangover.


I don’t know why alcohol is so instrumental in my happiness?


This is the first time i have drunk alcohol since my little episode,(during a quite session in a pub with a good friend and a glass of wine i had a funny turn and felt faint,obviously this was a mini stroke/cereberal embolisum)

It has just come to my attention, while mindlessly surfing the web this morning and wondering if my liver is still working, that you can obtain a do-it-yourself liver test. How remarkably ingenious!

You can find out the condition of your liver without even putting the beer down. All you do is prick your finger, send the blood and your Eight pounds to the lab, wait ten days, and voila, color coded results show up in the post.


“If it’s green, ‘your liver enzyme levels are within the recommended normal range.’

If amber, ‘your liver health is less than optimal and you need to look at making changes to your lifestyle.’

And if red, ‘even mild liver test abnormalities may be an early clue to liver disease. You must make significant changes to your lifestyle to protect your liver in the future.’”

 Having made this fantastic discovery i have now peeled open my purse and find myself purchasing this amazing test kit.

WHY? you ask…because i can,however i now have the joy of waiting for Royal mail and my new parcel to arrive…10 days in my life is a long time…second thoughts i might just pop down to A and E and ask them….

Oh, and you lucky UK residents can purchase a bloody kit:


There are two reasons I’m insisting on my liver test:



  • I don’t want to die a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption; and
  • I don’t want to die a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption.

However i have come to the conclusion that my fear of a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption, apparently doesn’t outweigh my attraction to chilled chardonnay and a nice cold cider.

“Never give up your vices based on the results of a study.”







Im double jointed therefore i am…

"Dont leave home without it"
"Dont leave home without it"

















I am proud to report that I sucessfully blocked a potential Accident and Emergency visit today.

It was somewhat ironic. I was  lay in bed this morning thinking about how focusing on the positive aspects of my life would be a better way of dealing with things when suddenly i moved and my shoulder popped and i experienced shooting pains in my neck and up to my head.

My first thought was, “Oh my god, I’ve got a humeral luxation thrombosis.” 

After several months of waiting to to my consultant about shoulder pain and having a MRI scan on it i was told i have shoulder laxity,a posh name for a loose shoulder.

I am double jointed ( hyperflexable),not to be confused with Hypertension and therefore it is expected for this to happen to some people,and now and again i get this pain..although i am convinced that it is probably spinal cancer and soon i will be bedbound.

Instead of hyperventilating and running to the bathroom,or telling marc to contact an Ambulance (which is on speed dial),  I paused to think about how unlikely it was and tried to tell myself I was being unreasonable, even though the statistics I looked up last night cite :

“a rare complication of humeral luxations, thrombosis of the axillary artery. Although humeral luxations are very frequently diagnosed in traumatological departments, vascular complications are rare. Therefore, thorough examination of every single patient is a must, taking the above possibility into consideration”

 The pain continued to shoot through the top of my head. It was more frightening than usual because I don’t normally get pains in that area, which fueled the part of me that wants to believe I’m constantly dying. I tried to figure out why I would be getting a headache when I was having what I thought was a relaxing day, and decided it was probably left over stress from work and the endless study completed yesterday on

To sum it up, I was much calmer than usual and hardly freaked out at all. I am also sure that the A and E department were extremly grateful because most recently when i had a visit down there i was almost banned for demanding a second opinion and a further MRI scan.


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