The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity



Cider,Kebabs and Royal Mail……

Following a heavy night drinking cider and one large chicken shish kebab i have woken to find myself alive with a huge hangover.


I don’t know why alcohol is so instrumental in my happiness?


This is the first time i have drunk alcohol since my little episode,(during a quite session in a pub with a good friend and a glass of wine i had a funny turn and felt faint,obviously this was a mini stroke/cereberal embolisum)

It has just come to my attention, while mindlessly surfing the web this morning and wondering if my liver is still working, that you can obtain a do-it-yourself liver test. How remarkably ingenious!

You can find out the condition of your liver without even putting the beer down. All you do is prick your finger, send the blood and your Eight pounds to the lab, wait ten days, and voila, color coded results show up in the post.


“If it’s green, ‘your liver enzyme levels are within the recommended normal range.’

If amber, ‘your liver health is less than optimal and you need to look at making changes to your lifestyle.’

And if red, ‘even mild liver test abnormalities may be an early clue to liver disease. You must make significant changes to your lifestyle to protect your liver in the future.’”

 Having made this fantastic discovery i have now peeled open my purse and find myself purchasing this amazing test kit.

WHY? you ask…because i can,however i now have the joy of waiting for Royal mail and my new parcel to arrive…10 days in my life is a long time…second thoughts i might just pop down to A and E and ask them….

Oh, and you lucky UK residents can purchase a bloody kit:


There are two reasons I’m insisting on my liver test:



  • I don’t want to die a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption; and
  • I don’t want to die a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption.

However i have come to the conclusion that my fear of a horrible and painful death caused by prolonged and excessive alcohol consumption, apparently doesn’t outweigh my attraction to chilled chardonnay and a nice cold cider.

“Never give up your vices based on the results of a study.”







Im double jointed therefore i am…

"Dont leave home without it"
"Dont leave home without it"

















I am proud to report that I sucessfully blocked a potential Accident and Emergency visit today.

It was somewhat ironic. I was  lay in bed this morning thinking about how focusing on the positive aspects of my life would be a better way of dealing with things when suddenly i moved and my shoulder popped and i experienced shooting pains in my neck and up to my head.

My first thought was, “Oh my god, I’ve got a humeral luxation thrombosis.” 

After several months of waiting to to my consultant about shoulder pain and having a MRI scan on it i was told i have shoulder laxity,a posh name for a loose shoulder.

I am double jointed ( hyperflexable),not to be confused with Hypertension and therefore it is expected for this to happen to some people,and now and again i get this pain..although i am convinced that it is probably spinal cancer and soon i will be bedbound.

Instead of hyperventilating and running to the bathroom,or telling marc to contact an Ambulance (which is on speed dial),  I paused to think about how unlikely it was and tried to tell myself I was being unreasonable, even though the statistics I looked up last night cite :

“a rare complication of humeral luxations, thrombosis of the axillary artery. Although humeral luxations are very frequently diagnosed in traumatological departments, vascular complications are rare. Therefore, thorough examination of every single patient is a must, taking the above possibility into consideration”

 The pain continued to shoot through the top of my head. It was more frightening than usual because I don’t normally get pains in that area, which fueled the part of me that wants to believe I’m constantly dying. I tried to figure out why I would be getting a headache when I was having what I thought was a relaxing day, and decided it was probably left over stress from work and the endless study completed yesterday on

To sum it up, I was much calmer than usual and hardly freaked out at all. I am also sure that the A and E department were extremly grateful because most recently when i had a visit down there i was almost banned for demanding a second opinion and a further MRI scan.


Internet symptom checking and Palpitations..

WebMD-My worst enemy

It never fails! When I’m not surfing “It Which Must Not be Named” (read WebMD) on my own accord, that bastard site tracks me down and pumps the fear of god into me. We’re connected like Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

Now given, the connection could have something to do with me foolishly signing up to receive a newsletter from that ungodly organization, but is it really necessary to fill my inbox with subject lines that read “Are Your Arteries Headed for Disaster?” and “Sudden Death Gene Strikes Women Most.” No, I don’t think so.

So now, thanks to You Know Who,what started as a pleasant morning has turned into an afternoon obsession with Palpitations (again); apparently, “Palpitations are not seroius,but should be checked by a medical professional” are running rampant through my mind!

Ive been back and forth to the Doctors for the past few months and following a whole afternoon of refusing the leave the surgery i finally got a referral to the cardiology department and had a 48hr monitor fitted.

Having read every single article on what palpitations are and “can they kill you?”  i find myself wondering if i have some underlying heart disease and it wont be found until im lay on the cold slab in the autopsy room with some jumped up little butcher with a set of scalpals saying ” mmm thats what killed her”!!

As i write this i find myself checking my pulse,its going way too fast or is it??

So in the wonderful spirit of giving, you too can get the shit scared out of you by going to :

How To Tell if You are a Hypochondriac?

As a modern Hypo with access to the World Wide Web here are some questions that maybe able to help you in your self-diagnosis!?

  • Do you suffer from frequent, stabbing headaches?
  • After hours on end of looking at WebMD, do you start to hallucinate and/or envision floating thermometers?
  • Have you ever taken painkillers whilst still in the midst of an REM cycle?
  • Is your online screening test count number over that of five a month?
  • Do your hands involuntarily shake when first hearing of a newfound disease?
  • Have you ever had more than three blood tests a year?
  • Does the majority of your iPod contain health podcasts?
  • Is your free time spent researching different diseases, “just in case”?
  • Have you ever been hung up on whilest trying to have a serious conversation with a friend on the phone, insisting “But this time I know it’s real!”?
  • Do you think you may have diabetes?
  • Do you think you may have skin cancer?
  • Do you think you may have anemia?
  • Did the staff of your local hospital invite you to last year’s christmas party?
  • Do you know the names and coffee preferences of all staff members in the ER, Dialyses, Neurology, Surgical, and General Medicine wards?

     If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, then, congratulations! You are a hypochondriac. But don’t fret: I have some tips to help you through this hard time in your life.

Tip One: Just remember, you can’t die from hypochondria… at least you can cross one off your list! (One down, five billion to go).322164579v5_150x150_front

Definition Of Hypochondria

It’s pathetic to think about – dying of a heart attack, stroke and aneurism all in the same week, and having Palpitations on top of it all. Welcome to my life, I should have put dying as an interest on my profile.

This is where I’ll keep track of my “episodes,” in hope of finding the common factors and eliminating this craziness altogether. I already have a few ideas of where it’s all stemming from and what the triggers are.I have spent years worrying about dying and my health,mostly because of lots of family members dying and alot of trips to the hospital.

For my first blog i thought i would begin with a definition of what it means, once a few facts have been published i will then let you into my mad world.

Hypochondriasis (or hypochondria, sometimes referred to as health phobia) refers to an excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness. Often, hypochondria persists even after a physician has evaluated a person and reassured them that their concerns about symptoms do not have an underlying medical basis or, if there is a medical illness, the concerns are far in excess of what is appropriate for the level of disease. Many people suffering from this disorder focus on a particular symptom as the catalyst of their worrying.













Hypochondria is often characterized by fears that minor bodily symptoms may indicate a serious illness, constant self-examination and self-diagnosis, and a preoccupation with one’s body. Many individuals with hypochondriasis express doubt and disbelief in the doctors’ diagnosis, and report that doctors’ reassurance about an absence of a serious medical condition is unconvincing, or un-lasting. Many hypochondriacs require constant reassurance, either from doctors, family, or friends, and the disorder can become a disabling torment for the individual with hypochondriasis, as well as his or her family and friends. Some hypochondriacal individuals are completely avoidant of any reminder of illness, whereas others are frequent visitors of doctors’ offices. Other hypochondriacs will never speak about their terror, convinced that their fear of having a serious illness will not be taken seriously by those in whom they confide.

There is no official medical term for the opposite of hypochondria, the belief that one is well while really sick, although some have proposed using the term “hyperchondria” for it.

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