The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity


May 2009

Olanzapine and incontinence pads…

Went to see consultant today about my tyroid, i have a goitre and thyroiditis..this is it finito…will update soon..just on verge of panic attack and find it hard to type whilst shaking like a dementing elderly mental patient on olanzapine with an incontinence pad one size too big…


Swine Flu Leaflet and “My Flu Friends”…

great read when dying...
great read when dying...

I got home yesterday to find the highly anticipated swine flu leaflet had fluttered through my letterbox. The leaflet itself was in immaculate condition with no creases or folds,however,my praise for this little book stops here.

I begin to read the leaflet,carefully turning each page without adding any creases or folds. I find several interesting pieces:

1. What have the UK governments been doing to prepare?

Leaflet answer: we have a stockpile of antivirals to cover half the population 

my answer: what about the fucking rest of us?


2.Is there a vaccine i can have?

leaflet answer: not at this stage

my answer: No, probably because you’ve spent all the money on your fucking second home allowances…


3. What can i do to protect myself and others against Flu?

Leaflet answer: follow good hygiene..catch it, bin it, kill it..

my answer: who said anything about helping others? stock up on tissues and kiss your arse goodbye


4. What else can i do?

Leaflet answer: Set up a network of Flu friends..these are friends or relatives to help you if you get ill,for example; they could collect medicines,food and other supplies for you.

My answer: what if your so called “flu friends” are in the half of the population which haven’t had anti-fucking-virals, cus there ain’t enough??


5. Do i need a face-mask?

Leaflet answer: Evidence shows that these basic face masks don’t protect people from becoming infected..

My answer: So,what the hell do i do now with the 400 i have just bought from B & Q?


After these most helpful of  questions it concludes:

Numbers to call if you are worried (0800 1 513 513),or want to check symptoms,of which,i have already done so its a bit fucking late.

But at least its free,so if you die,you can rest assure that BT wont send you a massive bill.

So, it advises to set up a “flu Network” of friends that can help you if you have it. I’m not being funny but who in their right mind would wanna pop round your house and give you shopping etc,if you are up to your eyeballs full of swine flu, i can assure you that i fucking wouldn’t.

So am i a good swine flu friend? the answer is clear and obvious… no fuck off and save your own bacon……

Leaflets Burnt: 1

Flu Friends recruited: nil

Tamiflu Pre-orders: 3

Face masks Sent Back : 400


Royal Mail and Swine Flu

I woke this morning once again disappointed that the new Swine Flu information leaflet had not fluttered through my door, do royal mail not think this is important enough? why has it not arrived,did they send it second class i wonder? Not only do i not have this prescious leaflet but i risk every morning encountering the postman who may well be a carrier….come on people this is a life or death situation….

Oh and i found this poem whilst searching the internet on swine flu reads:

I will seek and find you
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop
I will exhaust you till your relieved when I’m finished
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days
All my love,

The Flu


The Black Death

And yet, and yet….some people have an almost autistic ability to not notice disease. Samuel Pepys made it through 1665 bearly conscious that, all around him, people were dropping dead from Bubonic Plague. Febuary 1665 was very cold-europe was in the grip of a mini-Ice age. The big discussion all middle-class london families were having was whether or not to leave the city. By June 1665, it’s obvious things are bad and only in August 1665 does he leave town, he boasts in a letter of having ‘stayed in the city till about 7400 died in one week,and of them above 6000 of the plague,and little noise heard day nor night but tolling of bells’.

The creation of a proper sewage system for london in the 1870’s did much to preserve the city from water-borne epidemics,but by this time the century had seen several waves of infectious diseases-two flu epidemics between 1831 and 1833,as well as the first  outbreak of cholera,which killed 52,000. There was another attack of cholera between 1836 and 1842; also epidemics of typhoid and typhus. Little surprise that Londoners were Jittery about their health.

Influenza pandemics generally occur three to four times each century.The worst in recent history was the ‘spanish’ flu pandemic of 1918-1919, in which 40-50 million people died.But there were also lesser pandemics in 1957-58. We are due another one.

So here we stand. Today the a report released says that up to 1.2 million people could end up in hospital and 750,000 killed if a flu pandemic sweeps the nation, according to draft Government guidance about an outbreak.

Flu pandemic ‘could kill up to 750,000 people in UK’, guidance warns.

As hospitals are “rapidly” overwhelmed by patients, doctors may have to begin operating a lottery system for intensive care, the blueprint from last year adds.

It also warns that a worst-case pandemic scenario of “catastrophic severity” could result in the “complete or partial collapse of some or all hospital infrastructures”.

Top medics have downplayed the predictions, saying factors like Britain’s high state of readiness and high immunity levels will lessen the impact.

The bleak forecasts come in “Pandemic influenza: Surge capacity and prioritisation in health services”, which was prepared by the Department of Health (DH) last September.

It says up to half the UK population – or 30 million people – could get influenza if the bug outbreak turns into a pandemic.

In the worst case, there would be 2,000 hospital admissions per 100,000 people – or 1.2 million people. There would also be 1,250 fatalities per 100,000 – or 750,000 people.

The report says: “Over the entire period of a pandemic, up to 50% of the population may show clinical symptoms of influenza.

“This could result in the total healthcare contacts for influenza-like illness increasing from around one million during a ‘normal’ season up to 30 million.”

There are also grim implications for the demand of the nation’s estimated 3,450 adult intensive care beds and 320 children’s.

Do we have a chance? ..we will have to wait and see, but as Samuel Pepys wrote: ‘I have never lived so merrily as i have done this Plague-time’

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