The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity


April 2009

We are all Doomed…

We are in the middle of a Pandemic…hold on tight…dont breathe….get a mask..and stay indoors…arghhhhhhhh

The End is Nigh….Part 1

viral-outbreakAs predicted i knew it would come to this. Having endured illnesses such as cancer,stroke,brain rupture, and heart failure,my last days come down to simple flu….SWINE 


I have been watching the news for the last 24 hours and have now resorted to the Internet…what are my chances…slim..Wikipedia say that:

In March and April 2009, more than 1,000 cases of swine flu in humans were detected in Mexico, and more than 80 deaths are suspected to have a connection with the virus. As of April 25, 2009 19:30 EDT there are 11 laboratory confirmed cases in the southwestern United States and in Kansas,[19] and several suspected cases in the New York City metropolitan area. Following a series of reports of isolated cases of swine flu,[20][21] the first announcement of the outbreak in Mexico was documented on April 23, 2009. Some of the cases have been confirmed by the World Health Organization to be due to a new genetic strain of H1N1.[22][23] The new strain has been confirmed in 16 of the deaths and 44 others are being tested as of April 24, 2009.[24] The Mexican fatalities are said to be mainly young adults, a hallmark of pandemic flu.[25]

At 8 p.m. on Sunday, April 26, the New Zealand Minister of Health confirmed that 22 students returning from a school trip from Mexico had flu like symptoms (most likely swine flu). 13 of the students with flu like symptoms were tested and 10 tested positive for Influenza A, their cases strongly suspected to be the swine flu strain. However there is a possibility that the infected are not infected with the swine flu but other forms of the flu. The government has suggested that citizens of New Zealand with flu-like symptoms should see their G.P. immediately.What about the UK?

There have been five cases of possible swine flu in Canada, according to the Canadian Press. Two are in British Columbia, and three in Nova Scotia. According to the Government of Nova Scotia, four students in Windsor, Nova Scotia have confirmed cases of swine flu.[26]

The new strain appears to be a recombinant between two older strains. Preliminary genetic characterization found that the hemagglutinin (HA) gene was similar to that of swine flu viruses present in U.S. pigs since 1999, but the neuraminidase (NA) and matrix protein (M) genes resembled versions present in European swine flu isolates. Viruses with this genetic makeup had not previously been found to be circulating in humans or pigs, but there is no formal national surveillance system to determine what viruses are circulating in pigs in the U.S.[27]

According to University of Virginia virologist Frederick Hayden, the most recent flu season was dominated by H1N1 viruses, and people who had received flu shots in the U.S. may have some protection against swine flu.

Following this i have invested in the latest headgear, available in many family friendly sizes..

Fun for all the family
Fun for all the family



So this is it…bloody flu…typical

Am I a CyberChondriac?..i’ll just check the Web..

Screw You...
Screw You...

I have been busy lately with regular visits to my GP. Recently i have been convinced that i have a spinal tumor and that i am not long for this fact probably two months tops.

However,after a full inspection of my spine and shoulder she had now obviously given up on me and told me that i have a “Health Phobia”.

Well,to my suprise she has actually diagnosed me with something…but had now informed me that she will not pander to my requests and has referred me to counselling and some acupuncture. I am pleased that i will now be having needles stuck in me but she said that i will never be cured.

Following this blunt comment i resort to my second best medical informant….THE INTERNET….

I have now diagnosed myself with Cyberchondria..i diagnosed myself with this on the internet…ironic i know…haha

Thanks to the Internet, becoming a hypochondriac is much easier than it used to be.

The easy availability of health information on the web has certainly helped countless people make educated decisions about their health and medical treatment, but it can be disastrous for people who are likely to worry. Hypochondriacs researching an illness used to have to scour books and ask doctors for information. Now a universe of information is available with a few mouse clicks.

“For hypochondriacs, the Internet has absolutely changed things for the worse,” says Brian Fallon, MD, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and the co-author of Phantom Illness: Recognizing, Understanding and Overcoming Hypochondria (1996)…bollox…

So far, no studies have been conducted on just how hypochondriacs use the Internet, Fallon says. But the phenomenon is common enough to have a snappy name — “cyberchondria.”

So, i now have a snappy illness called cyberchondria….bollox to my doctor i have the world wide web…..but i would still like the counselling Doc..cus im still a Fuck up!!!

Miss H Chondriac


GP Visits: 2

Self help books read: 1 + Harry Potter

internet searches: 43

Couselling referrals: 1

Acupuncture Referrals:1

Bottle of Vitamins: 2

Tuna consumed: 15 cans

Beetroot Consumed: 2 jars

My GP is blanking me. As a new subscriber to GP Weekly, I know she must be cross about Alan Johnson and his insistence on extra opening hours.

Wonder if she’s on a pre-emptive strike? A woman with principles and medical know-how. Got to be worth stalking for a bit longer.

Have distraction in form of new Tuna Fish and beetroot habit. It lowers your blood pressure if you drink half a litre of beetroot per day and plenty of tuna fish. Mouth is purple and smell of fish but feel delightful. The only tiresome thing is that local Tesco Express can’t keep up with demand.There was a stampede for salad and burgers when i was quietly demanding more Beetroot and tuna be available,must be the hot weather….

I have called Tesco’s Head office  to complain about lack of regard for health and safety legislation. Glad I can now use mobile safe in knowledge that I won’t get brain cancer, although now have no excuse for blurry vision other than refusal to wear glasses.

Mouth may indeed be an odd colour but at least there’s fluoride in my water.Marc Has started to complain about the Tuna stench too.

Don’t know why they don’t go the whole hog and add vitamins, minerals and cod-liver oil as well, I’d save a fortune in pills from Boots.

Anyway, off to consume some Diabetic Chocolate (Available in Thornton’s)in the hope of preventing diabetes. Have placed mobile in pocket all day in-case i have a phone call from GP surgery saying that she believes me and has found a cure. Have called and left another message.

Marc says I’m behaving like a lunatic which makes me happy. Suspected lunacy is a perfectly valid reason to visit your GP.

No..i aint dead…

Havent wrote on here for a while so before the sympathy starts coming and funeral flowers arrive, i would like to clear that up. However,this week i have endured the following illnesses:
2.Heart Attack
3. Stroke(bloody TV adverts)
4.Brain haemorrage (cant spell it,but have it)
5.Spinal Tumor
6.Lung cancer

Thank you for your concern
will be back with full episode of my continued survival through-out my life…


How Not to Aspirate a Pea…..

                                                                                                                                                        Whilst minding my own business in work yesterday, generally surfing theenchepholitis web and sipping at my cold decaf coffee i was told a horrendous piece of information.

A collegue becky told me about the time when she was eating a pea and breathed it into her lung!!!!  To my horror she continued to explain that following this awful pea incident it had indeed got into her lung and she ended up with a serious chest infection.

As i sat panicking , i checked the Internet to ascertain the dangers involved in pea consumption……

It read:

In medicine, aspiration is the entry of secretions or foreign material into the trachea and lungs.

The patient may either inhale the material, or it may be blown into the lungs during positive pressure ventilation or CPR. As the right main bronchus is more vertical and of slightly wider lumen than the left, aspirated material is more likely to end up in this branch or one of its subsequent bifurcations.

So, why worry, its just a small green Vegetable lodged in the lung right??

WRONG……I read further:

If enough material enters the lungs, the patient may simply drown. However, small volumes of gastric acid contents can fatally damage the delicate lung tissue. Even small volumes of aspirated food may lead to bronchopneumonia infection. Chronic aspiration may lead to bronchiectasis and may cause some cases of asthma.

Therefore following this news i feel the need to inform people around the dangers of eating peas and how to avoid such disasters….

These are as follows:

  1. The lungs are normally protected against aspiration by a series of protective reflexes such as coughing and swallowing. Significant aspiration can only occur if the protective reflexes are absent (in neurological disease, coma, drug overdose, sedation or general anesthesia). In intensive care, sitting patients up reduces the risk of pulmonary aspiration and ventilator associated pneumonia.
  2. SO,


Thank you for your time, please click on the following link if you don’t believe me: HOW NOT TO BE KILLED BY A PEA

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