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The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity

Month

March 2009

Shoot me with the Magic Bullet….

pills0011I have learned today whilst trawling through the Internet mindlessly searching for some illness to match with my list of symptoms when i came across an exciting bit of news…

A cheap pill containing a cocktail of potentially life-saving drugs could halve rates of heart attacks and strokes, a major trial has found….

Click Here for Magic Bullet

Hallelujah…..I’m saved……for the cost of 50p a day i could prevent any major illness and therefore live to a hundred.

“It’s a ‘proof of concept’ study that shows the five ingredients do what they should – ie reduce blood pressure, cholesterol and so on”

Its a miracle…sign me up now and give it to me….Among my many pills and vitamins i consume daily i think this pill will be the most easy to swallow….i have already contacted my GP to obtain further information into this life saving little smartie…

However,after reading further down the page i discover that there are many more trials to be done and may not be released for some 5 years……

I am Devastated…how can they possibly justify holding back….how dare they, don’t they realise that there are people who need this now, me more than anyone…I’m at deaths door….

I have now written a letter to my Local MP complaining of the situation and how they are risking my life….50p a day i tell you……..

Not a good day…..i resume my search……

un café décaféiné et pas trop chaud……

 

retro-coffee-funny12I woke this morning normally:

  1. Checked i was still alive
  2. Looked in mirror for any abnormalities
  3. Had a good shower (approx 15mins scrub time)
  4. Checked sky news for any major events
  5. Made a cup of  hot tea……………..

Whilst enjoying my cup of hot tea in front of the news and perusing the morning tabloids i read the headline: “Piping Hot Tea Can Give You Cancer”……….

After dropping my tea and giving myself  Third degree burns i composed myself..reading further i discover…..

“Researchers found drinking tea with a temperature above 70C increased the risk of oesophageal cancer eight-fold. But if you let your cuppa cool for five minutes it should be safe to drink, experts have said”

So following this devastating news and one more blow to my sanity…i find myself  surfing the Internet for any reported fatalities of tea drinking, i also booked  in for another GP appointment to have my mouth and throat inspected, and i have decided to invest in a thermometer (digital).

 I have now switched to coffee on a permenent basis……decaf coffee…..definatly decaf coffee….decaf coffee due to palpitations and twitching…..

If you still fancy and nice cup of hot tea visit: Tea Drinkers BEWARE

“un café décaféiné et pas trop chaud……….one decaf coffee not too hot….”

Funny legs and Wikipedia….

My Body: with some exceptions..
My Body: with some exceptions..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have spent the last few days trying no to touch the small infected creature i live with who currently has chicken pox…however i find myself with a preoccupation this morning with the possibility that i have “restless leg syndrome”.

 

 

 

 

The last few days in bed i have been unable to control my legs moving,i try to relax them but they dont and keep moving,they feel like jelly legs,legs that have decided to play tricks on me, i cannot keep them still….

I manage to make my legs lock up to move to obtain the laptop and the search begins…

 “Restless legs syndrome(RLS, Wittmaack-Ekbom’s syndrome, or sometimes, but inaccurately, referred to as Nocturnal myoclonus) is a condition that is characterized by an irresistible urge to move one’s body to stop uncomfortable or odd sensations. It most commonly affects the legs, but can also affect the arms or torso. Moving the affected body part modulates the sensations, providing temporary relief. RLS causes a sensation in the legs or arms that can most closely be compared to a burning, itching, or tickling sensation in the muscles.”

Having read this : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restless_legs_syndrome

i don’t feel so bad, its only RLS, however it wasn’t until i scrolled down the page..like a typical hypo…that i find the Possible causes and risks…..

here is where the room went in circles and i began a full blown panic attack…..

“The most commonly associated medical condition is iron deficiency (specifically blood ferritin below 50µg/L[7]), which accounts for just over 20% of all cases of RLS. Other conditions associated with RLS include pregnancy, varicose vein or venous reflux, folate deficiency, sleep apnea, uremia, diabetes, thyroid disease, peripheral neuropathy, Parkinson’s disease and certain auto-immune disorders such as Sjögren’s syndrome, celiac disease, and rheumatoid arthritis.”

After the following actions:

  1. Ten Cigarettes in succession
  2. Four coffees(decafinated,due to palps)
  3. Quick call to NHS Direct (speed dial)
  4. Appointment with GP (emergency)
  5. 2 Bottle of rescue remedy (emergency)
  6. two hours of rocking on floor

I managed to avert any further incidents.

However, i am now convinced that my restless leg syndrome is secondary to some underlying disease in which i have yet to be diagnosed……dam you Wikipedia………………

If i dont sleep i will die……

the20brainDue to a small 3 year old who still has the highly contagious chicken pox virus i find myself sleep deprived…

I have been up all night tending to this sickly child and have had no sleep.

 

According to the latest research:

“Women’s health is much more at risk from sleep deprivation than men”

“The researchers looked at men and women sleeping less than or equal 5 hours a night to see if their risk of having hypertension was any higher than men and women getting the recommended 7 hours or more of sleep a night. Among other problems increased hypertension does increase the risk of cardiovascular problems”

Following this discovery i will be taking these actions:

  • Sell the infected child on EBay to fund New mattress
  • Sell the Boyfriend on EBay so i have the aforementioned mattress to myself
  • Buy 2x Jars of Horlicks
  • Buy Lavender oil x 2
  • Invest in herbal sleep aid for coma induced sleep on the New mattress
  • Sleep during work hours in toilet to catch up on any lost hours of sleep
  • Maintain sleep hours to above 5 hours per day/night

I feel following these vital rules may therefore avert any sleep deprivation crisis thus extending my life…..Alert Now Downgraded to :

No Significant risk

Twitcher……..not Twitter

shish_kebab 

Twitchy Kebabs….

Bad News: My left eye has been incessantly and wildly twitching!

I looked up “eye twitch” online, and I’m apparently suffering from Epilepsy and mild seizures – (good old WebMD). But, I’m trying to be rational, so, I’m dismissing that suggestion and attributing it to something more realistic. I’ve determined that the twitch is being caused by a reckless weekend, that involved too much:

  •  alcohol (10-15 pints of strongbow)
  • Four kebabs (with extra chilli and Garlic)
  • 40 cigarettes (mentol,girly ones)

which resulted in severe damage to the nerve pathways in my brain that control this damn eye!

This is not good, I’ll keep you posted…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Emergency Use Only

 It has just come to my attention, through randomly imagining myself choking to death, that neither I, or more importantly Marc, know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

Sure, it seems simple enough, I’ve watched it done in a million movies; but in the event that it’s my life on the line, I’d like to make sure I’m getting the actual Heimlich Maneuver and not the movie version.

http://www.heimlichinstitute.org/default.php

Hence, the link to The Heimlich Institute for proper instructions and easy access during an unexpected choking fiasco.

128734838610795034

*Please note that the Heimlich Maneuver is a registered trademark of The Heimlich Institute, which you must contact for permission of use, prior to performing said technique

OutBreak.!!

ebolaI was woken this morning to find my child with an Outbreak of chicken pox.First i had to find out what the Bio-safety level was it an Ebola outbreak i was dealing with, after ruling out a level 3+4 event…….

 

 

i approached this small infected spotted creature,several thoughts entered my mind,these were:

  1. Have i had chicken pox?
  2. Can i get it again?
  3. What if adults get it??
  4. What about shingles?

These thoughts rapidly replaced any sympathy thoughts i had as a mother with a sick child…mummy i need a cuddle…aaaaaahhhhh……what do i do?

  1. Shall i go near this child and show my love?
  2. shall i first get gloves and possibly a mask?
  3. risk kissing this infected spotted creature and die of shingles and related complications?

Following a consultation at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chickenpox  and http://www.cdc.gov/   i found out the following:

Chickenpox is a highly infectious disease that spreads from person to person by direct contact or by air from an infected person’s coughing or sneezing. Touching the fluid from a chickenpox blister can also spread the disease. A person with chickenpox is infectious from one to five days before the rash appears.

Infection in otherwise healthy adults tends to be more severe and active; treatment with antiviral drugs (e.g. aciclovir) is generally advised, as long as it is started within 24-48 hours from rash onset.Patients of any age with “depressed immune systems” or extensive eczema are at risk of more severe disease and should also be treated with antiviral medication.

In England and Wales, 75% of deaths due to chickenpox are in adults. Inflammation of the brain, or encephalitis, can occur in immunocompromised individuals…………..

Having freaked out to the point where i decided i am immunocompromised, i refused to cuddle or kiss this infection riddled carrier  i decided to take the following precautions:

  1. Contain the creature in its own habitat (lock door)
  2. wear fully protective clothing when in same area(facial mask)
  3. de-contaminate after every encounter (bleach)
  4. Resist the creature cry’s for help and save yourself (ear muffs)

Following this i may have prevented the following Outbreaks:

  • encephalitis
  • varicella pneumonia
  • cellulitis
  • shingles
  • Ebola
  • Lassa fever
  • The Plague
"beware out there.."
"beware out there.."

Sleep Coma Vs Survival Mode

I never really noticed it before, but my house is almost directly under the flight path for incoming and outgoing planes of the nearby Cardiff international airport. I’ve lived under this flight path for two years and the planes have never bothered me, I never really noticed them; until a couple a weeks ago.

Every morning, at about 6:00 a.m.—thirty minutes before my scheduled 6:30 a.m. wake up—I’m jolted from my state of comatose by what feels like a thirty ton meteor crashing into my house.
Everyday, as sure as shit, I find myself vaulting out of bed in sheer survival mode, as the sound barrier is broken above my house. Some days I know that earth-shattering sound for what it is: a plane crashing into my bedroom. Other mornings it’s a bomb, alien invasion or terrorists.
And, so my morning started today: in a state of pure panic, and that panic has somehow followed me into this evening. Mid-afternoon I developed a severe case of pneumonia and I hold that damn plane responsible.
For help in any major disasters please visit:

 

 

 

 

050922_nuke_body_12

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chance’s of Survival…..

how20i20feel202I’ve always heard that you’re more likely to die from getting struck by lightning, than you are from a plane crash. Well, that’s not what the National Safety Council says! According to the NSC, the lifetime odds look more like this:
Lightning — 1 in 79,746
Air/space transport accidents — 1 in 5,051 And, who knew that you’re just as likely to die as a passenger in a car crash, as you are from falling down, or shooting yourself on purpose:

Car occupant — 1 in 237
Falling — 1 in 218
Shooting yourself on purpose — 1 in 222
Oh, these are my favorites:

Accidental suffocation/strangulation in bed — 1 in 7,541
Contact with hot tap water — 1 in 144,156
Bitten/stung by non-venomous insect/arthropods — 1 in 312,339
Drowning/submersion while in or falling into bathtub — 1 in 11,289
Bitten or crushed by reptile — N/A
The odds by accidental suffocation/strangulation in bed are pretty high! Which makes me very suspicious, and paranoid. I guess there’s more wisdom in the old saying “don’t go to bed angry,” than I previously thought. And I’m still trying to figure out how you die from contact with hot tap water.

On the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about getting crushed by reptiles

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