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The Diary of a Ginger Hypochondriac

Fear is a Luxury…..but so is insanity

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (aka Annoying cunt syndrome)

One illness that I don’t have (according to reports) is this disorder. 

According to this diagnostic manual, NPD is present when at least five of the following criteria are met:
1. a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2. preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I will guarantee that during your lifetime and career you will come across a few of these Assholes. My biggest issue with this disorder is that there is no cure and certainly no failsafe way of dealing with them. 

ACS-(annoying cunt syndrome) is very much a side effect from NPD. The effects vary depending on the environment but include the following :

1. Rudeness- no fucking manners 

2. Me,Me and Me- relentlessly fucking talking about themselves 

3. Fakeness – this will often be exhibited a stupid laugh, hum or sigh

4. Talk loudly- they will often speak louder on the phone to ensure fucking everyone can hear how important they are and what intellectual conversations they are having- be warned this is mostly demonstrated by bullshit 

5. Bullshit – this generally tends to show itself with every word that leaves the mouth 

6. Mindgames –  They;

Cannot 

Understand

Normal 

Thinking, 

(thus the acronym C.U.N.T.)

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Ebola Advice 101

Over the last few weeks I have an increasing sense of anxiety about the pending apocalyptic hemorrhagic fever AKA Ebola virus.

However I have seen the following movies/TV programmes that will offer not only reassurance but also sound advice.

Walking dead- break in seasons so no help there..

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The Stand- one of my favourites;
M-O-O-N. That spells Ebola…

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Outbreak- one with the really cute monkey

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Contagion- least helpful

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28days later- Happy UK…

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World War Z- listen to this guy —

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Keep Calm and stay the fuck indoors

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Disease of the Day…..Exploding Head Syndrome….

So you have just settled down in bed..relaxing..close your eyes…BANG……

Waking up you think you have heard an explosion. Nope…your brain has screwed you again…..
exploding head syndrome kicks in…..

Ok, so your head doesn’t quite explode, although that would be an inconvenience…….it’s actually a neurological disorder where just as you drop off to sleep you experience an auditory hallucination of a loud bang and explosion…

This has to be one of my favourite ones so far……

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Disease of the Day…Walking corpse syndrome

Most hypochondriacs will know this as Cotard’s Syndrome.

Its mental disorder involving an individual who believes they are either already dead or have lost all of their vital organs.

This can be brought about by a brain injury and can result in people believing themselves to be immortal, which can very easily lead to unintentional suicide……nice

Be prepared…

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My brain doesn’t like Air embolisms

I am currently recovering from an air embolism. These are tiny pockets of air trapped in your blood in your body. They can get in there in many ways. Crafty little pockets of air that like to pop a little around your brain. Thus knocking a recovering hypochondriac into complete insanity. I first discovered these killers whilst in the midst of a 5 day headache.
Day 1: headache non specific….probably hormones…
Day 2: headache becoming specific….anxiety levels rising
Day 3: headache very specific very anxious with sharp pains and time to google….
Day 4: headache and google continue..at this point my sainity becomes a distance part of my past….
Day 5: weighing up the impending air embolism I am about to experience I decide to contact the surgery for emergency appointment. Making it past the bitch of a medical receptionist I get an emergency appointment. After I pointed out to her about possible medical negligence she gave up…

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CBT, OCD AND ME

So…for the past 8 months I have been under extensive therapy. Mainly CBT.
the first session was quite funny as I had a full hours argument with my counsellor about wether I was a hypochondriac or just have OCD.

She thinks I have OCD.

“Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry; by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety; or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions. Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding”

the argument was that although I have obsessive thoughts I do no way in any shape of form wash excessively or clean…..well sometimes. Mmmm I do have 2 litres of hand sanitizer at home…

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Understanding My Hypochondria……..

The reason for this blog is to show you why I am the way I am.

I do not say things or worry for attention and spite. I have a genuine disorder and i am persecuted every day if my life with this. It is a selfish disorder and my life is preoccupied with the thought of death.How ironic…..

Hypochondria is a serious condition that is often minimized.

Those who suffer from hypochondria are overly concerned or preoccupied with their health.

Although hypochondriacs think or imagine that they are ill, these individuals should not be confused with person’s who fake being ill to get attention.

Hypochondrias generally have a fear of becoming sick and dying.

When these person’s imagine sicknesses, they legitimately believe that they are falling ill or perhaps dying. In most cases, those who suffer from hypochondria also suffer from a range of anxiety conditions. Medically diagnosing hypochondria is tricky. Yet, doctors will generally consider many factors before confirming diagnosis.

It is a selfish illness. The preoccupation that comes with this disorder is absolutely Overwhelming.

Most hypochondriacs like me have had a childhood which involved family members or illnesses which caused trauma. This precipitates the illness.

I have friends and friends of friends who are really going through some serious illnesses and I feel for them. I do not act this way to be fake or get attention.

Part of the selfishness comes into play where I am unable to help my friends who are genuinely experiencing serious illness. I am unable to talk them them about there illness etc. Recently one of my friends had a close friend die and as much as I wanted to offer my support I was unable to. Why? Because the thoughts turn to my head and I begin to have the same illness.

After years of torment with this I have to protect myself from these thoughts as much as I can.
This illness can cause havoc on my family and my relationship. There comes a point where the people you love and care for dearly start to resent you and the selfishness shown.

It becomes a daily ritual of seeking reassurance, checking my symptoms, wondering if today will be the day I die.

For this I am sorry.

This is who I am and until you understand the way my mind works I will be “the Faker”, “the selfish bitch who always worries about herself” and “the office nutter”

Thirty going on Ninety……….

I have recently turned 30.

I am still alive.

I feel about 90.

Decided to have a mid-life crisis. so have recently purchased a new tattoo.

This is a non-refundable item and until the other day this did not bother me. I then stumbled on a few websites and discovered tattoo’s are a health risk.

  • Tattoo’s can become infected
  • Tattoo’s that are infected can lead to abscess
  • Tattoo’s that are abscessed can lead to septicemia
  • Septicemia can lead to septic shock
  • Septic shock leads to Death…………………………..

Have now purchased antiseptic creams and wipes and have a designated decontamination zone around the house…….Septic shock averted……

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